Introduction
I recently came across a video in which Stephen Porges, the founding father of Polyvagal Theory, was interviewed by a staff member of an Italian neuropsychiatry platform.
I translated the transcript of the interview into a readable format (you can read the Dutch version here). I found it worthwhile, because Porges introduces some interesting new phrases that shed a clearer light on why Polyvagal Theory is so relevant today.
For instance, Porges downplays the strict distinction between mental and physical illness, pointing out that both can trigger survival responses: activations of the stress and safety/threat system that deserve attention in their own right—alongside the fact that a medical disorder may, of course, genuinely be present.
He also distinguishes different types of co-regulation, and even describes self-regulation as a form of co-regulation: namely, the co-regulation between body and brain. That’s a beautiful observation!
Finally, Porges describes with great clarity how our overstimulating world, filled with so-called social media, undermines our sense of connectedness. It was refreshing to hear and see him speak again.
The original video is included at the bottom, so you can check for yourself 😉.
A shift of focus: from pathology to adaptive response
What Polyvagal Theory does is honor and respect our most basic survival circuits, located in the brainstem. Most explanations of psychological phenomena are placed in the higher layers of the brain. Yet all our behaviors and emotions rest upon these survival mechanisms.
Polyvagal Theory focuses on understanding these mechanisms, because everything else is “stacked” on top of them. Instead of viewing mental disorders solely as pathologies, we can also understand them as expressions of physiology—as the stress system and nervous system being triggered into a state of self-protection in service of survival. This can be seen as an adaptive response: a way of answering (response) by adapting to the circumstances at hand.
The relevance of this “Science of Safety” for therapy, education, and society
On the simplest level, we can say that when our body feels safe, our homeostatic and physiological systems—our metabolism and health—are optimally supported. At that level there is no strict boundary between mental and physical illness; both essentially trigger a fundamental survival mechanism.
We often use words like stress or anxiety, but those are not strictly necessary. We could simply say: the body has been brought into a state of survival; the survival mechanisms are active. This means that access to social connection, to awareness, and to effective cognitive functioning—pathways that always run through signals of safety to the body—becomes limited, or may even shut down entirely. When the body is in survival mode, we are not particularly kind … nor especially smart.
The social media era and our need for connection
Human survival as a species depends on feeling safe with others, on connection and trust. What happens when our physiology is in a state of threat? We withdraw, become self-protective, push others away, and focus on our own survival. If the body is stuck in threat mode, connection does not come easily. But when we feel safe enough with others, our body calms, and we become more open and accessible.
Our culture is confusing. The term social media is, in a sense, an oxymoron: it clashes with what the body truly needs. Our body craves the kind of connection in which we feel safe enough to literally rest in someone else’s arms—or, as Porges puts it, in the arms of another mammal, which might just as well be your cat or dog. From birth onward, we long for safety; it is part of who we are1.
We are not a solitary species; we require co-regulation and shared experiences. Yet our culture has become one of fear. Fear activates states of mobilization and self-protection. Often we translate that into striving for material accumulation—possessions, money. But if you look at so-called elites and the very wealthy, you often find they are not particularly successful on the dimension of “feeling safe with others.”
We therefore need to understand our true journey. That journey is profoundly polyvagal oriented: our biological imperative, our deepest identity, is about connection—being safe enough to rest in the arms of another.
What about connection with yourself?
It is often said that children must learn to self-regulate from an early age. Schools repeat this mantra: children should regulate themselves. But we know that reward and punishment do not truly teach self-regulation. What does cultivate it is co-regulation and experiences of safety with others.
How then does someone self-regulate when alone? According to Porges, there are two kinds of co-regulation. One is co-regulation with another person or with the environment—with the ocean, the trees, the wind, with animals. That is still co-regulation. The other can be described as brain-body-, or internal co-regulation.
In the world of trauma, we see that this brain-body unity can break down: people become numb to their own bodies; they lose the feedback that helps them understand internal feelings. They become dissociated from their physicality. Then they say: “I have to keep working; I’m a workaholic,” or “I’m anxious,” or “I’m addicted.” These are strategies of a body that has lost the link between brain and organs.
Even when people co-regulate well with others and enjoy it, they may still struggle with brain-body co-regulation, suffering from gut issues or other so-called psychosomatic conditions. For this reason, Porges developed two interventions: the Safe and Sound Protocol, an acoustic intervention supporting co-regulation, and the Rest and Restore Protocol, designed for contexts in which one feels safe enough to be alone (without hypervigilance) and uses acoustic stimulation to trigger bodily feedback.
There are two dimensions of co-regulation
We often get confused because we assume that connection means, that if I am alone, and my brain and body co-regulate so that I become more embodied, I am not being social. But both dimensions have their place in life—and both are necessary. On the one hand, there is engagement with others, which soothes us when we trust them, reducing vigilance and defensiveness. On the other hand, we also need time with ourselves, calming our own stress system.
What can you offer others if you don’t feel safe in yourself?
This is a crucial question, especially for therapists, and a challenging one. We always project our own state onto others. If I do not feel safe within myself, it is difficult to help another feel safe. Our neuroception—the detection system for safety and threat—picks up on the physiological state of those around us. If I feel unsafe inside, I broadcast that, and others pick it up. They, in turn, do not open up to me, which my nervous system and neuroception again detect. The cycle reinforces itself.
Porges emphasizes that the key word here is accessibility: how you radiate your own availability. That triggers trust in the other person and makes them accessible to you.
Why “Fake it till you make it” doesn’t work in co-regulation
We live in a fairly superficial world, one that undervalues the body’s innate intelligence. We all have gut feelings—think of these as neuroception: detecting whether what someone says is genuine, and whether they are accessible to us. Our body picks it up. A good therapist senses it. A child, a baby, a pet as well. We perceive the other’s intention, not just their words.
So when it comes to “fake it till you make it,” the truth is: to fake effectively, you must also feel it. That’s how highly skilled actors convey emotional states—so deeply felt that the audience believes them.
Polyvagal Theory in everyday life
In closing, we can say that the physiological state of your body colors and shapes how you perceive the world and how you respond to it. Once you realize that your physiological state is constantly shifting, and you can become aware of that—what is called interoceptive awareness of bodily sensations—you begin to navigate life differently.
In trauma terms: as soon as you become embodied, as soon as you feel your body, you treat its triggers with greater respect. You also recognize that when you are triggered, you broadcast that reactivity to everyone around you. You understand both your own response to the world and your impact on others.
Viktor Frankl, the renowned neurologist, psychiatrist, and concentration camp survivor, said that the space between stimulus and response is where free will resides. That, essentially, is Polyvagal Theory. You receive a stimulus, and your response is not automatic: there is an internal mechanism that reacts before the behavioral response.
Polyvagal Theory highlights: slow down, create that space between stimulus and reaction. Feel what your body is doing in that pause; it informs you about your environment, its consequences, its features—so you can respond as healthily and wisely as possible.
And in my opinion, even before birth …